[x]

deviantART

 

The Blackness of Space Ch. 9 by ~Im-a-Bear-yo:iconIm-a-Bear-yo:



James looked down at Jo. He looked back up at Eric.
"Is she gonna be okay?" he asked.
Eric shrugged, "I honestly have no idea, I'm not an MD or anything. The best bet we've got is to get her back to Earth"
James raised an eyebrow, "I thought we were thousands of light years away."
"We are," Eric nodded, "But if I can get down to the engine room I might be able to fix the problem and get us back home."
"Well then," James said,"let's head out."

They traveled for an hour, making their way through the large ship. And yet they were no closer to their destination, or so Eric felt. Not only were they covering a large amount of ground, but the ship was also scorchingly hot. For an hour there had been silence, but not anymore.
SCRAOOORRR!!!!!
"What in God's name was THAT?" said James.
Eric was worried, "I don't know, but do you want to stick around to find out?"
"Not really, no."
But just then a man came out of he shadows. But there was something wrong with this man. He looked sick for one, very pale, and he was bleeding profusely from his mouth. Eric and James looked at the man as if they knew what would happen next. The man opened his mouth and a shrill, screeching roar came out.
SCRAOOORRR!!!!!
The man then leaped at James with almost supernatural agility. James dodged the man, but only just.
SCRAOOORRR!!!!!
The man then then turned to Eric and snarled. Eric grasped the piece of metal he had pulled out of Jo hours earlier. He didn't know why he kept it with him, but he was now glad that he did. The man ran towards Eric with no humanity left within him. So Eric, in turn, showed him no mercy, and thrust the metal deep into the man's heart. With one last feeble scream, the man died.  
©2008-2009 ~Im-a-Bear-yo
Details
Submitted: May 12, 2008
File Size: 1.9 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 7
Favourites & Collections: 0

Views
Total: 38
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 0
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

something odd is going on...
[x]

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

Comments


SCRAOOORRR!!!!! looks cool but tells the reader little. Try and describe the sound with metaphorical language, which you can do with the toddler line a chapter ago.

Again, alot of repetition of man.

Apart from that again very good. You use of language is excellent. I'm 17, nearly 18, and your using words I do. I know that is the most patronising thing you have ever read but I dont know many 14 year olds that can use the word profusely.

--
And the pen scribbled forever more
Well, not to sound as though I love myself, but I'm actually kinda bright for my age. I started school a year early and I read encyclopedias almost daily. Also, I strive for a better vocabulary as I also strive to be a successful writer.

--
Bosoms would not have said, "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would have said, "Huzzah!"
good for you. :boogie:

I hope to see a journal entry soon with you saying youve published :)

--
And the pen scribbled forever more
lol. me too. Hey, I'm kinda at a loss of what to do now in the story. I know where I want to go in it but I don't know how to get there.

--
Bosoms would not have said, "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would have said, "Huzzah!"
sometimes writing other work makes it easier, stop thinking about it for a while then come back to it, refresh your imagination

--
And the pen scribbled forever more
okay. just be sure to review my new stuff.

--
Bosoms would not have said, "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would have said, "Huzzah!"
sure!

--
And the pen scribbled forever more

Site Map